i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
