she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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