she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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