Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
