i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
