btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
