It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
