A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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