People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
The beer is more important than you right now.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
