You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
