Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
