did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
