did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
