Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
