all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
