SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
