your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
