I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
