Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
