I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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