Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
