he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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