You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
