Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
