I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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