i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
