So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
