I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
