Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
It's official drugs can't kill me
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
