if i can run in heels then i can drive
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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