he puts the penis in happiness.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
