Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
