So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
