WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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