maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I think my fart just growled at me.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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