I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
