You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Watching her eat just hurts me
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
