life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
