Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
