ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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