No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
