All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
