Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
