Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
