found the other keg... it's in the tree
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
