I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
so let's talk penis.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
