checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
