At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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