Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Pappa wants mamma naked
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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