The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
