Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
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