what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
