Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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