just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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