Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Randomize
