I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
