I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize
