if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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